Hello stepparents, and thank you for joining me. In Episode 1, I spoke about the long list of demands that stepparents are constantly juggling. (You can find the show notes for that episode at [synergisticstepparenting.com/1]).
Today, I’d like to discuss a related topic that many of you navigating a blended family schedule are also very familiar with: competing priorities.
These conflicts might involve needing to pick up your stepchild while simultaneously being expected at an important work meeting in a completely different location. Or vice versa—having to attend a mandatory work dinner and missing your stepchild’s important game, concert, or celebration.
Situations like this can be incredibly stressful and anxiety-provoking. When I’ve been faced with these kinds of stepparenting challenges, I often felt practically paralyzed about what to do and how to choose.
Naturally, the technology doesn’t yet exist to allow you to be in two places at the same time. And even if it did, mental health practitioners would advise that spreading yourself so thin isn’t a good idea anyway—it ultimately gets in the way of being truly present at either event.
How to Decide Which Priority Takes Precedence
When you find yourself stuck between work and family, there are a few important aspects to consider. Before drawing iron-clad lines in the sand such as “family always comes first” or “work always comes first,” take a step back and evaluate the following:
- What is the state of your relationship with the involved players?
- If you’ve been at your job for a while, have a great rapport with your boss, and know the ins and outs of your projects, you will instinctively know whether attending this specific work event is critical. Conversely, knowing your stepchild and the family members involved will tell you if your presence at their event is non-negotiable based on their feelings and expectations.
- Which of these conflicting commitments is most important to you?
- Take some time and space to think through and get clear on why you feel a certain way, and where that feeling is coming from. Make sure you are being true to how you actually feel, rather than just acting out of guilt or obligation.
Once you take the time to consider these important aspects, you will have much more clarity on how you want—and need—to proceed.
What To Do Once You Decide on Your Stepparenting Priority
As with many sensitive blended family situations, the key to success is communication.
Keeping open lines of communication and keeping every player in the loop is critical. I strongly encourage you not to just tell one person and expect them to spread the word for you. Instead, communicate directly with each impacted person with whom you have a relationship.
This simple step means so much to the individual. It shows them that they matter, that you are considering them, and that you are giving them a heads-up so they don’t feel blindsided.
Whether it’s your stepchild, your significant other, the stepchild’s other bio-parent, your boss, or a client—taking the time to communicate directly goes a long way toward preserving mutual respect and open co-parenting communication.
Related Episodes:
- How Will You Meet Your Stepchild’s Constant Demands?
- The #1 Cause Of Disconnect In Your Stepparenting
- Stepparenting Feels Like A Culture Clash
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