Hello stepparents! In this episode, I’ll be delving into a topic that I’ve found to be the cornerstone of most things in life—and especially in blended families. I call it showing up.
Have you ever felt like you can’t seem to say or do the right thing? Like everything you say is causing more blended family conflict and aggravation?
Maybe it seems like there’s a disconnect with your spouse, your stepchild, or with extended members of your family. When this happens, it feels so frustrating, painful, and isolating.
Well, it may be that you’re not showing up.
I know what you’re thinking… GASP. How dare you?
But before you shut off your radio, computer, iPhone, or whatever device you’re listening on—please, let me explain.
What Does “Showing Up” Actually Mean?
For a long time, I thought showing up meant just that: physically getting myself somewhere.
I’m sure many of you have probably heard of showing up. You might have heard the famous quote by Woody Allen who said, “Eighty percent of success is showing up.” Or perhaps you’ve seen other iterations of it, such as, “Showing up is half the battle.”
But after years of trying that, I noticed that my results weren’t as good. It was as if something was missing. Even though I was physically present, things weren’t quite landing in conversations, and the meaningful connections I craved weren’t being made.
My desire to understand and figure it out swelled. I built more awareness of these instances and reflected on my actions and outcomes. Then, a light bulb went off.
Though I was physically present, I wasn’t actually showing up. Not the way I wanted to. I wasn’t showing up by bringing ALL of me to the table.
The Danger of Stepparenting on Autopilot
I began to deepen my knowledge and understanding of this concept. I discovered that everything in our world is energy, including you and me. And I believe that energy is really powerful when it’s activated and directed towards a specific purpose and goal.
When you intentionally concentrate your energy towards something, whether wanted or unwanted, it influences the results you achieve.
So, when I was struggling to communicate a proposed solution for a new project at work, or helping my stepdaughter problem-solve an issue with a friend, the reason I had a hard time was because I wasn’t fully engaged in the experience. I’m talking mind, body, and soul.
Typically, I tend to be a very passionate person. People have often told me how magnetic I am when I’m in my element and speaking about a topic that is close to my heart. My energy has even been described as contagious. But I’ll admit, I have trouble conjuring up that much fervor for topics I’m not as devoted to (such as offensive foot odor and fashion tips on braiding back-hair!).
When you’re not completely engaged, those are the times you tend to go into autopilot—which your brain is naturally wired to do.
What It Takes to Fully Show Up
I learned that there are two major factors required to truly show up and improve your stepparenting communication:
- Approach every opportunity with curiosity. Prioritize the goal of understanding. Whether it’s understanding the other person more, or understanding where your own feelings about the situation are coming from.
- Respond from the heart. Bring your entire being to the whole situation. This requires vulnerability and a willingness to be open.
It’s not surprising that you don’t often show up this way because it requires more of your already taxed energy. This is especially true at the beginning, when you’re starting to train yourself to do things in a new way.
However, showing up fully has been the number one reason I’ve been able to create the best results for myself, my loved ones, and my VIP clients. When I show up like that, I’m able to access all of my gifts—both the intuitive ones as well as acquired skills—to problem-solve to the best of my ability and support my family in the process.
I invite you to give this a bit more thought and to take opportunities to show up completely by bringing all of you to the table. Give it a try and let me know how it goes!
Related Episodes:
- The Surprising Thing That Will Make You A Great Stepparent
- What’s Getting In The Way Of Showing Up In Your Stepparenting?
- Stepparenting Feels Like A Culture Clash
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