Ep 59 – Cover Abuse with Allison K. Dagney

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Hey Stepparents,

I’ve been under the weather and lost my voice and therefore wasn’t able to record portions of my episode which is why I haven’t put out an episode for a couple of weeks. But I’m thrilled to be feeling better and to pick right up where we left off.

In my last episode, I shared my story of covert abuse, discussing what I endured, how I got there, contributing factors, as well as what my realizations, takeaways and outlook has been since healing from this experience. Find the show notes at synergisticstepparenting.com/58.

Today I’m thrilled to bring to you an interview with Allison Dagney, who is a covert abuse survivor, author of When Tears Leave Scars – her personal memoir – and a rapid reprogramming coach for others who have been through the painful experience of emotional abuse.

In this episode we clarify what emotional abuse is, what keeps the victim in the relationship, how abusers find their victims, and specific examples of emotional abuse so that those going through it can identify if it’s happening to them.  

I feel grateful to have had this conversation with Allison who so openly shared her experience of covert abuse and broke down the tactics and nuances in a tangible and easy-to-understand way.

It was healing to discuss this subject matter with someone who deeply understands the experience on a personal level, has done the work to heal her own wounds and is wholeheartedly committed to helping others heal theirs too.

Get comfy and settle in for this eye-opening conversation that is sure to give you new insights into yourself and your intimate relationships. It’ll be worth the listen.

Introducing Allison K. Dagney

Allison Dagney lives in the Midwest of the United States with her three children and their beloved rescue dog.

Allison never aspired to be an author or a coach, but her love of writing paired with an inspirational story, was the perfect recipe to expose hidden emotional abuse and help others.

When Tears Leave Scars, is her gripping true-life story, where Allison aims to shed light into the darkest areas of abusive relationships while giving victims of abuse a beacon of hope and a roadmap for healing.

Through sharing her own personal story, Allison hopes to expose the insidiousness of covert emotional abuse.

Victims and survivors alike are the inspiration behind the book and her coaching business. Allison is raising awareness and helping others heal from their emotional wounds. It is Allison’s core belief that everyone can find the inner peace, relief and emotional empowerment that she herself has discovered!

Find the show notes for this episode at synergisticstepparenting.com/59.

Here we go …

>> [3:09] Allison’s story and experience of covert emotional abuse…
>> [6:04] What kept Allison from leaving
>> [6:20] What is a trauma bond?
>> [7:47] How Allison felt about her husband and herself
>> [9:46] What kept me “hooked” in my relationship…
>> [11:04] What is “breadcrumbing”?
>> [12:38] Do abusers “sniff out” their victims maliciously?
>> [16:17] The importance of sharing examples when discussing emotional abuse
>> [16:48] Having emotional abuse awareness-raising conversations about with kids
>> [17:35] Allison shares examples of her emotional abuse
>> [19:34] What is “gaslighting”?
>> [24:54] I discuss double talk and other tactics used on me by my emotional abuser

Click to listen!

Thank you so much for joining us for this deep dive into covert emotional abuse. Allison was fantastic at describing in detail the complex and concepts of emotional abuse and its covert nature.

This conversation was very special to me because it was one of the first times that I heard someone else voice out loud what my reality was like for many years.   

The Recap

To recap, we discussed …

  1. What emotional abuse is
  2. What keeps the victim in the relationship
  3. How abusers find their victims
  4. Specific details and examples of emotional abuse

It’s clear Allison is very knowledgeable and passionate about covert emotional abuse and helping others to gain awareness of its existence and what it looks like to prevent the suffering she endured.

Action Items

If you’re interested in learning more about Allison’s story, please check out her book, When Tears Leave Scars. And if you’re ready to get help to move forward from an emotionally abusive relationship, check out her page where Allison supports victims of covert emotional abuse heal from their experiences. Find those links in the show notes under Links to Allison.

Shoot me a DM or LinkedIn @synergisticstepparenting or on FB @marianatapov to let me know your biggest takeaways from this episode and share them with your bestie, partner, and child to make sure the info sticks.

Until next time, be well!

Click here to listen!

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Links to Allison:

Allison’s book: https://www.amazon.com/When-Tears-Leave-Scars-Emotional-ebook/dp/B08XF9FBF4

Allison’s page: https://whentearsleavescars.com/

Related Episodes:

My Story of Covert Abuse

The Stepparenting Cycle and My Why

Abuse and My Stepparenting Story