Ep 51 – Polyamory with John Hoelle

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Hey Stepparents,

Today we’re continuing our exploration of sex and intimacy by delving into polyamory with John Hoelle, a family law attorney and mediator, and co-founder of Conscious Family Law & Mediation.

We cover what polyamory is, how polyamory can improve an otherwise monogamous relationship, the benefits of utilizing a coach in your relationship, and how to approach and discuss polyamory with kids.

John has an easy warmth about him instantly making you feel comfortable. I feel honored that he offered to have this candid conversation and am thrilled to be sharing it with you all. John let us into his beautiful journey and courageous exploration of love, security, and connection.

Get comfy and settle in for this amazing conversation that is sure to expand the way you think about relationships and trust. It’ll be worth the listen.

Introducing John Hoelle

It’s my pleasure to introduce to you, John Hoelle, a Colorado licensed family law attorney and mediator.

To guide people on their relationship journey he draws on his professional skills, his training in mindfulness and healing practices, over 15 years under the tutelage of a master life coach, and 25 years of personal experience with marriage, divorce, and fatherhood.

He attributes the long-running success of his second marriage to consistently taking the coaching from his mentor. He has significant personal experience with polyamory, spanning almost 2 decades in both of his marriages.

Here we go …

>> [1:03] John’s personal story with polyamory
>> [2:24] What polyamory is about
>> [4:00] The role John’s wife’s girlfriend plays in his kids’ lives
>> [5:55] How polyamory can improve an otherwise monogamous relationship
>> [7:18] How secure attachments in polyamory work
>> [8:48] The concept of not taking the relationship for granted
>> [10:46] How using a coach improved John’s relationship
>> [13:26] The legal landscape and the 4-1-1 on family law and polyamory
>> [15:54] The long term impact on kids growing up in polyamorous lifestyles
>> [16:25] How John advices talking to kids about polyamory
>> [18:49] Your kid’s key need

Click to listen!

Thank you so much for joining us for this deep dive into polyamory. John was fantastic at eloquently describing the complex and heady concepts of polyamory. This conversation blew my mind and smashed through the ceiling of how I viewed relationships until now.  

The Recap

To recap, we discussed …

  1. What polyamory is
  2. How exploring polyamory can improve an otherwise monogamous relationship
  3. The benefits of utilizing a coach in your relationship
  4. How to approach and discuss polyamory with kids

It’s clear John is very knowledgeable and passionate about law and polyamory and loves to support individuals to help them find the best situation that’s right for them.

To that end John is kicking off a weekly online coaching group for people exploring polyamory or consensual non-monogamy. It launches on September 8, 2022. Find the link for it in the show notes under Links to John.

Action Items

If you’re interested in learning more about polyamory check out the books John mentioned. Find those links in the show notes under Episode Resources. And be sure to check out John’s links below including his program which will be a killer resource for you on your polyamorous journey whether you’re a beginner or a veteran.

Shoot me a DM or LinkedIn @synergisticstepparenting or on FB @marianatapov to let me know your biggest takeaways from this episode and share them with your bestie, partner, and child to make sure the info sticks.

Until next time, be well!

Click here to listen!

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Links to John:

John’s page: www.consciousfamilyfirm.com
John’s group coaching program: http://bit.ly/polyseminar

Resources from this Episode:

Books by Deborah Anapol
Polysecure

Related Episodes:

Sex and Intimacy with Rose Schlaff: Part 3
Let’s Talk About Sex
How to Have Difficult Stepparenting Conversations